Have you ever been asked how you got started in the BDSM lifestyle? I’m sure most of us have been asked that question at some point.
I know I have been asked many times in the twenty years that I’ve been in the BDSM lifestyle either by friends, people at events, or at BDSM classes I teach.
Even though I’m a Mistress and a Professional Dominatrix, I’ve been in a twenty year D/s relationship with my Dom G.
No, we are not married to each other, in fact he has a girlfriend and I have my submissive’s and clients.
My journey started in the BDSM lifestyle twenty years ago by my good male friend G.
We were having lunch one day at his house. I was having not so good of a day, and as a good friend as he is, he invited me over for lunch and to talk, and really be there for me.
He brought up the BDSM lifestyle, and asked me what I knew about it. My reply was, sex and rock and roll as I laughed. As you may have guessed, he gave me that look and shook head.
He began by giving me history on how BDSM came about in 1969.
I’ve did my own research on this and found that in recent years archaeological evidence suggest that Dominace and submissive’s as sexual practice dates back to at least 5000 years ago. Anne Norris has writings on the history of Dominatrix and practices and wrote that BDSM imagery also provides us with historical glimpse into the BDSM prevalence through history.
Back to my story, my friend went on to explain the Dynamics in a BDSM relationship between a Dom and a submissive. That it wasn’t all about sex and kink play, but more of having a safe consenting relationship between two adults built on a strong foundation of communication and trust. That it was the Dom’s job to nurture and build the submissive up in a carrying way.
I started my journey in the BDSM lifestyle that very afternoon twenty years ago. Besides having my children, it’s the best thing I could do for myself and well being.
I can remember the first session in my training. I was excited, scared and very nervous. I was placed in his playroom, told to undress and kneel , then i was told to wait for his return.
I did wait as I was told and then waited kneeling what seemed like hours but was only minutes. My heart was pounding and I had started to sweat upon his return. I can still hear him enter the playroom and shut the door behind him to this day.
He walked up to me and stood before me in tight leather pants and no shirt.
You have been a very good kitten, he stated, as he handed me his hand to help me stand up. He then placed a small thin leather collar around my neck which had a silver ring in the middle so a leash could be attached.
He stated he owned me now by giving me his collar that no matter what life brought us, good bad and ugly he would own me for life. That you don’t just collar anyone, but the special one you know in your heart that is supposed to be yours.
A calm came over me that I can’t to this day explain. I just know, I was were I was supposed to be.
Our relationship has changed many times in twenty years, but one thing hasn’t, we both make time for each no matter how busy our own lives get. We try to talk or text through the week as friends, but we have one dedicated day a week we spend time together. We shut the world out for a few hours.
I believe our relationship has lasted this long and to not being married to each other is, we both respect the boundaries and safe words that have been put into place. We stay in contact with each other no matter what.
Having any relationship is work and you get out of it what you put in it.
A relationship may start out great with no problems, but life gets in the way. If you are running to keep up in any relationship and your not able to give the relationship what you started out giving it then it’s time to take a step back and look at it again before the relationship fails.
In a BDSM relationship, you have to be committed. You can’t be jumping in and out. It isn’t far to the Dom or the submissive. I see so many start out hot and heavy and go through the honeymoon stage only to go down hill because there life has become busy again with work and family. Spending a little time here and there or going days with no contact is the loss of respect that you have for the D/s relationship.
I heard some say, a little time is better than nothing. Really. Then I guess that little time your spending together is sexual then and if that’s the case then it’s no longer a D/s relationship.
I myself am looking forward to the next twenty years with my Dom G. We have made it this far and I’m sure we will continue on for the next twenty years.
Make time for your friends and your subs stay in contact. Don’t let them feel that they are not important to you anymore or less of a person to you. As someone that knows how that’s feels, it not a good feeling